3 writing jobs that I’d like to have

September 13, 2010

Password cryptologist
I’m not even sure if that is a real title and I’m not sure these things are really done by people, but even so, it would be fun. I mean why not add some fun when filling out a credit card order or setting up a new online account? Here are some ideas:

Toilet passion
Eager phalanges
Baboon pressedham
Flushing dope
Wool dickey

These might also be great names for bands now that I look at them.

Writer for SkyMall products
Look I’m not saying that a planter that doubles as a cat’s litterbox or a yard Yeti needs persuasive copy to sell millions. I’m just saying you have to connect to an audience who really feels an emotional tug to buy a hearing aid that is also a police scanner and full body compression underwear that keeps you looking highschool reunion ready.

Brightfeet lighted slippers
Feel safe, secure, and ready for the next Rave with these lighted slippers! Scare the hell out of your kids when you “float” aimlessly into their room at 3am! Tired of missing the toilet? Try this in tandem with the floating ring of fire toilet target and you’ll find out why an enlarged prostate is fun!

Personalized license plate writer
I’m sure someone out there is the go-to person when you can’t think of one yourself. So why can’t that be me? Here is some of my finest work, in 7 letters or less, of course:

Golf Pro

Pen maker

BP Exec

Peyton Manning

Plastic Surgeon
oo 2 OO

I can dream, right?



  1. Eating my lunch and CRACKING UP over the license plates!

    • I started to go down a path that made this an adult only swim. I exercised some constraint for once so I’m glad you liked it!

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